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Hello Intimates!

Power Exchange is a phrase kinksters use to talk about consensual power exchange. Many find it rewarding, life affirming, enriching, connecting, and intimate. Like any relationship, there are examples of unhealthy varieties for all of the usual reasons. Just as upping the ante on intimacy in a relationship brings greater risks, so too does it bring greater rewards. To those who ask “why do power exchange,” I would ask “why do marriage?” 

Some compare marriage and power exchange where both convey a sense of ownership though modern marriage in my opinion leans towards the most symmetrical exchange of power possible. I’ve also met monogamous, married folks who use marriage as a form of power exchange that works for them. It was a fascinating conversation when I started describing my lifestyle and they resonated heavily with what I was saying.

In this episode, I very briefly repeat a criticism of white feminism I read in an article from a woman of colour while I was researching appropriation in yoga as a personal interest as a South Asian man. Part of the success of how yoga has been marketed to white women specifically (they make up the majority of those who are counted practicing yoga in the US and Canada) has relied on the notion that white femininity is somehow fragile and in constant need of nurturing.

Some people have the choice and choose to experience pregnancy. I can’t think of anything more feminine or less fragile than that. If you said “covered in blood” or “risk of severe injury or death” to many, they would probably describe it as “hardcore.” So it’s always been interesting that I have heard woman-identified coworkers (I work in labour) who have worked in film doing labour for long hours mentioning that they’re worried they’ve put on too much muscle or don’t seem femme enough.

I typically hear the bad argument that gendered attractiveness is supposed to follow fitness. If that’s the case, why do we pursue those unfit for a famine or who don’t look like they work gathering food every day? 

Probably because we’re attracted to status, not fitness, and status is determined by who we value as a society which only rarely includes people of colour and rarely includes feminine people who aren’t described as thin. Ultimately our status evaluations are shared by our internal biases which are influenced by oppressive systems like misogyny, racism and classism.

Anyways, Elle is a person near and dear to my heart so I’m very excited to about this great session, in addition because of her experience with Power Exchange and generous vulnerability in sharing the good and the bad. I invite you to sit back and enjoy our discussion of power exchange here on Intimate Interactions.

If you’re interested in learning more about White* Feminism (*read non-intersectional feminism instead of feminism practiced by white women).