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Trauma is everywhere, even in power exchange. Relationships can be traumatic, and total power exchange is no different. Healing can take years and adversely affect relationships, kink, and sex. When processing trauma, I think it’s important to work through any mistaken beliefs first, and to come to different conclusions about yourself before moving on. I’ve found cognitive behavioural therapy to be helpful in changing those beliefs in myself.

I also didn’t find CBT healed much other than offering me some peace from the harm I was continuing to visit upon myself. When processing through the experience again, I was mindful first not to overwhelm my body with trauma, but rather to fill it with only the portion of the trauma I could safely process at once, using breathing and mindfulness to help anchor myself and control the experience. Those are also skills I learned with a counsellor – a somatic therapist this time.

Finally, I try to put myself in a place that’s beautiful and can stimulate me in an aesthetic way – somewhere that smells nice, sounds nice, and looks nice. Hopefully somewhere that feels transitionary. I picked the seaside village of Steveston, British Columbia, located on Lulu Island, the main body of the city of Richmond.

Jazz Goldman speaks about their journey out of a power exchange that wasn’t meeting their needs, and we talk about the unspoken power dynamics that exist underneath our negotiated ones. The focus was placed on their healing, not on the podcast session, but I’m grateful we captured it for you to experience, here on Intimate Interactions.