Select Page

This month we’ve focused a lot on two alternating threads in the show: more talking about sex, and more talking about the relationship to oneself. As I try to tackle harder concepts and try recording more outside and in less ideal environments, I’m continuing to experiment with different kinds of show ideas. Let me know what’s working for you and what isn’t by commenting on or on twitter @intimatevictor or on instagram at @intimatevictor or by emailing [email protected].

Today we talk about suicidality: what being close to suicide felt like for people who’ve had major depressive disorder and who have lived with depression for a very long time – in my case my whole life. I’ve also lived with suicidal ideation my whole life and think about it in a very granular fashion: am I just thinking about hurting myself? Just about suicide in an unrealistic situation because it helps me get through the day? Thinking about suicide in a semi serious way but with unrealistic means? The caution bulb goes on. Thinking about suicide in a semi serious way with things that are accessible to me? Now the alarms are going off that I have missed my ideal window to intervene and I really need to get help. And then there are serious plans for suicide that one intends to carry out. That’s probably the last stage before actually committing suicide for me.

Fortunately today, I’m not experiencing any suicidal ideation and it has legitimately gotten better; and while no one can guarantee it will get better, it usually does provided you’re working at making it better. Effort to change and time often lead to better places. Of course, it’s rare things improve on their own but occasionally we luck out and they do. Also occasionally something bad just happens that changes our life circumstances and a depressive or suicidal episode gets triggered.

We’ve talked in episode 70 what the experience of depression is like, and in episode 72 about coping methods without meds. Today we’ll talk about suicidality and touch a little bit on mental wellness medications. We’ll be back later to talk more about mental health medications and their side effects though we touch on it briefly at the end of today’s episode. Wherever you are and whatever your struggles are, I hope you find your way to something better. Genuinely, if you’re listening to this, it’s not over yet. From my heart to yours, no matter where you find yourself, there’s always, always a way home.

Best of luck finding less self resentment and more will to continue even by degrees. I honestly believe it’s worth it to keep trying. Please see the show notes for mental health resources. (scroll to the bottom for mental health resources including Vancouver specific ones)×616.jpg.pagespeed.ic.Wq0Biwt1n7.webp