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Intentional Living can mean a lot of different things but it often refers to creating a sense of community among those living with you. When Elle and I think of her raising children with someone other than me, we consider what the living situation might look like.

In Vancouver, cohousing or intentional living often refers to creating a charter or value system for a house of strangers. With cost of living very high compared to the median income, living with more than two roommates is gaining popularity, especially to manage situations with “that one roommate.”  

In consensual non monogamy, especially relationship anarchy, uncoupling the roles of domestic partner from emotional support or sexual support means having a clearer sense of each of those roles and what they mean for those involved. Since coparenting has been more explored and researched recently what with the vast number of divorced monogamous folks raising children apart, there are now some great models for consensual non monogamous folks to use. Thanks for crash testing them, monogamy!

We chat about what idealized cohousing might look like for us. We also talk about the challenge people who want to have kids face in consensual non monogamy if their immediate intimate partners aren’t interested in having children. 

There’s already so much stigma for parents parenting wrong in general, but just imagine how much worse it would be if you were a parent in a non monogamous relationship. Given how comfortable so many folks seem to be with offering mothers unsolicited advice on how to be a better mother, imaging combining those things together. It is for these reasons some polyamorous families intentionally pass as divorced monogamous people.

With all that interesting commentary out of the way, let’s start talking!


Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology (audio | book