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We share many intimate interactions with each other: cuddling, deep conversation, consolation, celebration, shared activities, various sex acts, living together, combining finances, emotional vulnerability, sharing family functions, holidays, and many more.

When we give relationships a label, we are usually invoking a set of rules if not scripts. If I said friends with benefits or boyfriend or husband, you’d probably have a range of accepted and prohibited behaviours associated with each.

Some detest these labels, viewing them as restrictive boxes inhibiting more authentic relationships. Yet labels can be useful for expectation setting and time saving. They work for some of us. Some even use many overlapping labels instead to invite questions. 

When the boxes that hold these pre-selected sets of rules and interactions don’t suit you, why not create your own box?

Enter Relationship Anarchy – it’s not the absence of rules but only following the rules, values, or principles one’s participated in creating – at least in my opinion as a practicing relationship anarch. It is intentional and explicit creation of those rules or values. Like anything, it requires informed consent by those in the relationship.

Links Section

For a discussion of a Need-Based approach to relationships from Nonviolent Communication (bookaudiobook) as well as a quick run through of my personal perspective on some forms of non monogamy, check out my primer on relationships available at:

Genderbread Person v3

Gender Unicorn