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The above Genderbread Person v3.3 describes Gender Identity, Gender Expression, Biological Sex, Sexual Attraction, and Romantic Attraction. All of these terms are different and until you have a vocabulary of gender and attraction, it’s hard to describe what you like in others. The image above is linked to its source at

Q7a) How would you describe your gender identity and expression?
Q7b) To what gender identities and expression are you attracted?

My Identity

I am happy in my own skin, with my hair, with my beard, and with my penis. I could be more muscular and I get self conscious about my abs, but for the most part, I’m happy with my body.

I struggle with how I’m told males should behave. I strongly dislike hegemonic gender (the term hegemonic masculinity is misleading as ideas on femininity are used to oppress just as much as masculinity). I redefine what being a man means to me.

I like to think masculinity is made better by identifying as a man. I use he/him/his pronouns. It’s not an essential part of my identity though: I’d be happy just being a human using they/them/their pronouns but feel like I would integrate even more poorly with mainstream society if I made this change. For some, this is an essential part of who they are  – I am not them.

I tend to perform both masculine and feminine gender roles at different times or at the same time. Make-up is something fun I wear on special occasions.

Sex and Arousal for Me

None of this is meant as any kind of minimum standard. If I sent you this, I probably already find you attractive, want to offer mentorship, want to share a useful perspective, or I’m curious about connecting more with you – I like to be prepared and negotiate for things that may not happen rather than have things happen for which I haven’t negotiated well.

I like managed intensity. I feel incredibly intense underneath my managed exterior and look for the same in others. I also feel certain styles express the importance of autonomy. Accordingly, I like coloured hair, piercings, and tattoos. Good use of colour in general makes me smile. Accordingly, I try to coordinate my socks and boxers.

Feeling intellectually connected and actively engaged is another. Having someone be present with me while we are together is helpful.

Physically, I am most attracted to the secondary sexual characteristics typical of people assigned female at birth or currently on estrogen: round hips and breasts, but also love muscle tone and fitness in all people.

I guess you could say I’m panromantic and heteroflexible though I am gender queer especially in wearing make-up, being adorable when possible, and enjoying being the vulnerable (and being the little spoon).

I would list my two favourite sex acts as cunnilingus and giving anal sex, but activities I enjoy are varied and numerous including fisting others and being pegged. You can find my Fetlife profile here.

Q8a) What do you find attractive in others?
Q8b) What kinds of sex acts are your favourite? 

Transparency, STI Risk, and STI Testing

STI Basics

You can never be 100% sure your partner does not have an STI because many STIs don’t show any sign of infection. Chlamydia infection in 70% of women and 50% of men is invisible without testing. Unprotected sex is therefore the highest risk activity. Sex with a condom and unprotected oral sex are lower risk, but obviously all sex carries some minimal risk. STI risk is a lot less frightening if you take reasonable precautions (like getting tested, using protection, and talking with partners). Humans emotionally evaluate risk. For example, with precautions, it’s more dangerous to your health to drive a short distance in a car.

Google what isn’t clear, and if you still have questions about STI risk, you can always call or e-mail Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights (1.888.642.2725, e-mail)

Google Scholar is a great place to find breaking news. Did you know you’re at no greater risk to get HPV or cancer even if your life partner has HPV-induced cancer? That helped me stop worrying about HPV. I use a lubricant containing carrageenan anyways because carrageenan is a broad-spectrum antiviral. It’s most effective against HPV but has some limited activity against HSV as well. Watch out for nonoxynol-9 in lubricants as it can make sex riskier.

Q9a) When was your last STI test?
Q9b) Have you ever tested positive for any STIs?
Q9c) Do you have unprotected sex with anyone?
Q9d) How frequently as you usually tested?

My Sexual Health

I currently have unprotected sex with only one partner who only has unprotected sex with me. This is not indicative of hierarchy, power, or control (I’m a relationship anarchist).

I have protected sex with any other partners (two others as of 2018.07.03) but sometimes give and receive unprotected oral sex.

I am negative for all tested STIs and to my knowledge have no STIs except suspected oral HSV-1 given that I have (almost exclusively as a child) had cold sores. I was diagnosed with having one HPV lesion once which was treated. Since then I’ve also gotten the Gardasil-9 vaccine to avoid any other strains infecting me. My likelihood of transmitting HPV during protected sex (especially given my lesion was in a condom protected area) is nearly impossible to my knowledge. Moreover, if you’ve been vaccinated by Gardasil-9, to my knowledge it’s not possible. In any case, do your own research if you’re concerned about HPV.

Keep in mind the common cold and flu can also be transmitted during sex, so please inform me if you’re sick.

2015-08-11 All Negative (Dr. Surajballi)
2016-01-21 All Negative (
2016-8-22 All Negative (, no new partners)
2016-11-18 All Negative (, no new partners)
2017-03-30 All Negative (, one new partner)
2017-08-10 All Negative (, one new partner)
2017-12-17 All Negative (, no new partners)
2018-05-09 All Negative (Life Labs, no new partners)
2018-07-16 Request Printed (, no new partners)
2018-09-15 All Negative (, no new partners)