Our Goals

A. Closure

Help stakeholders feel heard, acknowledged, and supported. Moving through disaster rather than avoiding and isolating people. Timeliness is important. Address problems at the earliest convenience. Follow up is important. Is this effective?

B. Healing

Help stakeholders grow and develop resilience. Provide access to relevant, helpful resources. Counselling can be part of healing, especially for harmful people. People aren’t good or bad – but some of them are harmful. If the focus is placed on harmful actions rather than value judgments, there is more room for healing.

C. Growth

Help folks become less harmful. Harm does not cancel out if both parties were harmful. Some humans are far more harmful to others. Rarely are humans always harmful. The most harmful humans may only be harmful to some people or only in some circumstances.

My Constellation Humans

My Accountability Constellation is a network of humans who know me well, are well connected in my communities, and who are all in touch with each other. They may opt to individually call me in. They may opt to email the entire constellation for advice. They may opt to begin towards an Accountability Process. Most Processes for me would require several of the Constellation to “seat” for the process (engage formally as members of a newly formed Accountability Pod). The Pod would probably form from members of the Constellation or other professionals. Below are unpaid members of my Constellation. Depending on the duration and intensity of the pod work and my available funds, I would compensate all experienced pod members during a process.

Maita Davydiuk

Hi my name is Mati. I am a settler living in Lekwungen territories. I am professionally and personally engaged with critiquing and re-imagining patriarchy and systems of domination. I primarily focus on how traditional masculinity shapes men’s health and impacts our communities.

toolboxcounselling@gmail.com

COACh

Sara Blaze

Sara Blaze is the current CEO of MVK where Victor is a Director. Sara organizes most of the Westcoast Bound convention where Victor has taught.

Kale GŌsen

Kale Gōsen is one of the creators of ConvergeCon where Victor has been a panelist twice. She runs a Relationship Anarchy meetup and hosts a vlog for which Victor sometimes writes and speaks.

emailkale@gmail.com

Andi Sunrider

Andi is the current Vice President of MVK. As co-founder and co-host of MVK’s Newbie Munch, she’s helped hundreds of folks navigate their entry into the world of kink and alternative sexuality.

andi.sunrider@gmail.com

Jon Lehrer

Jon Lehrer is a data scientist, musician, facilitator, and professional cuddler. He combines analytical fluency with empathy and emotional intelligence.

jonathan.lehrer@gmail.com

Chloe Vargamor

Chloe Vargamor is a versatile, vibrant, voracious, and occasionally vexing sex positive educator, activist, and performer based out of Seattle.  She has spent the last few years building community and supporting local activists, and her passion for consent and healthy relationships and sexuality shines through in everything she does. You can connect with her on Instagram and Twitter @morbidsexkitten, or over email at morbidsexkitten@gmail.com

Photo by Tom Hill

Wendy Niessen

Wendy is a Converge Con organizer and has already demonstrated good communication skills in how she once called Victor in. She is organized, professional, and competent.

Wendyg.niessen@gmail.com

Open

From time to time I expand the people in my network of accountability contacts to diversify the collection of lived experiences they represent. I acknowledge my network needs more accountability. Those humans would go here.

Open

From time to time I expand the people in my network of accountability contacts to diversify the collection of lived experiences they represent. I acknowledge my network needs more accountability. Those humans would go here.

It’ll be up to people in the constellation to discern whether it’s worth a 1 on 1 call in or whether there’s a harmful pattern that warrants holding a process. If a process request occurs, I’ll likely ask a group of folks from the constellation to form an Accountability Pod. Anyone with prior experience, I’d likely pay. We’d likely do weekly session for a month and monthly sessions for a year depending on what’s called for/needed. To some extent, it’ll be up to the constellation to self organize directed by someone in the Coordinator role. 

Process Values

During an Accountability Process, several members of my Constellation will form a Pod, a special committee of folks tasked with guiding me through the Process according to the following values. 
“The survivor should not be objectified or minimized as a symbol of an idea instead of an actual person.” (taking risks, p.65)
  1. Accessibility
    1. Reduce barriers for folks to report harm.
    2. Consider barriers like misogyny, racism, ableism, etc.
    3. Practice consensual transparency about the Process with the community.
  2. Sustainability
    1. Encourage long-term growth, development, and self-awareness of participants.
    2. Encourage self care, rest time, and emotional support.
    3. Keep the Process in a realistic scope.
  3. Innovation
    1. Document what went right in the process.
    2. Reevaluate and criticize the Process.
    3. Set reasonable expectations.
    4. Acknowledge real world obstructions to speed including: fragility, jobs, counselling, circumstance, etc.
  4. Tangibility
    1. Identify tangible, observable behaviours.
    2. Set clear expectations about change.
    3. Clearly list ideal outcomes and solutions to get there.
  5. Choice
    1. Treat people who have harmful behaviours compassionately.
    2. Avoid shame, humilitation, or revenge.
    3. Promote all parties making decisions for themselves.
    4. Offer neutral support –  Accept requests without guarantees. Deliver requests without demand.
  6. Independence
    1. We are all experts of our own experience.
    2. Encourage living well.
    3. Encourage autonomy, acknowledgement, boundary-setting, privacy, and empowerment, especially of survivors..

"The survivor should not be objectified or minimized as a symbol of an idea instead of an actual person." (taking risks, p.65)